Sam's Social's Blog!

Turning Down Social Invites from Depressing Friends

There’s one thing that’s a given in life.  People change.  They move.  They get into relationships.  They get out of relationships.  They have kids.  Their views change.  They get depressed.  They’re not someone you can be around anymore.  Life changes and the result of which is you have less people in your life which affects you.  You don’t wanna be around people that make you unhappy but you also don’t wanna be alone.  There’s a moral conundrum here that seems simple but is more complex upon closer examination.

The biggest question is – do I have someone else to do things with?  If you do, great.  It’s an easy band aid to rip off and that’s what needs to be done.  Take a timeout and hang out with other friends.  Allow each of you to grow up a bit.  If you don’t have a lot of friends, things are tougher because while the other person may bring you down, they are filling a void and there are moments that you enjoy it with that other person.  It’s still not a good relationship but it’s better than nothing and it does fill that void.

But the problem isn’t solved.  You’re still around someone you don’t wanna be around.  So you need a replacement but finding a replacement isn’t an easy task.  A lot goes into friendships in the first place especially over time and making a friend is not like dating.  I can’t look at a picture and tell if I’m going to be friends with them.  Everyone on Facebook looks so happy and they’re all doing unique things so they really don’t look like they need new friends.  So what you do?

At Sam’s Social we deal with the change in life, identifying the problem, and providing a solution to fix it.  We want to give people back what they’ve lost: friends!  So they’re not in this position.  Our members state in their profiles if they wanna meet new people and what exactly they want to do!  Sam allows you to meet by relationship type (social, couple, crew, fam, dating) and gives you a complete picture (not the perfect one) to make it easy to make a new friend.

If it’s not meant to work, it’s not going to work.  Especially in this age where we move so fast.  Loneliness, though, is a real problem in today’s age.  You probably feel it and they may feel it as well.  In a May 2018 CIGNA study, 46% of people reported feeling alone some or all of the time.  It carries with it its own set of side effects and you need to be cognizant of this to not potentially hurt someone. 

If they’re a strong person and you both have a lot of friends, it makes things a lot easier.  If they send out too many invites, there shouldn’t be the expectation of continual acceptance.  If there’s not, things do get a little harder.  So let’s walk through the ways this can play out.

The optimal scenario is where both of you move on and grow.  One of the things that we do it Sam’s Social is there’s a crew profile which is designed to make friends with your friends.  You can help this person find new friends and you can find new friends yourself.  It may sound cheesy, but you can lead this person on a path towards other things and leave on good terms.  At one point, they were actually a friend and you can be the bigger person.

Another scenario is the gradual withdrawal from the friendship.  Be less interesting.  Not be available to them.  At some point, they will get the message and the relationship will move to where you want it to be.  They won’t wanna be around you because you’re not what you were. Again, you’re not helping the other individual, but you’re also doing what’s best for yourself and sometimes you need to do good things for yourself.  Put the back of bricks down and enjoy life.

The last scenario is to confront them and just end it or not say anything at all and not reply.  This obviously ends the relationship which ends some of your pain but also burns a bridge to the future.

The bottom line is – it’s OK to turn down something that makes you feel bad.  There is inherently something toxic.  Never feel bad about something that makes you better off.  Just have an eye to how are you want the scenario to play out in the future.  You can use each other to grow or you can leave pain and regret for both of you.

Jan 10, 2019