Sam's Social's Blog!

The Heart of Sam!

There are a lot of social networks out there!  Social networks are here to serve a purpose for the community.  They do change though – for the better and for the worse.  The question should always be – are they allowing you to do what you want to do.  If you want information and a catch up and you’re getting that – you’re in the right place!  If your end goal is to do something in real life and the processes and setup for that, you may need to look other places.

Sam is here to help everyone be more active!  Sometimes, this blog reads like a self help group which is certainly a valid take away.  Sam was started to help setup new friendships, but we also want to make it for those that already have friends.  We weren’t trying to create the antisocial – wanna be social - social network (which sounds bad).  We want to take social networking further.  The crew concept was developed to help groups of friends meet groups of friends!  That’s unique!  Bigger than oneself!  And in this day and age – very much needed!

And then it snowballed.  Couples have their own little bubble.  Families do too!  All of these are the different ways we engage with others!  Each one has a similar problem – growing that type of relationship with new people!  We built the tools out to make meeting new people easy!

It started with doing something fun and cool…  And it still is!  But it turned into something more.  It enables a lot more than one originally envisioned! It does a lot of good that may not be seen right away.  It’s also dealing with problems that are slowly growing in our society and if we need to, we want to be the ones to call them out and move past them!  We want to say – you’re not alone and this is something that can help!  That – that is the heart of Sam! 

Nov 06, 2019

Brutal Job?

Work these days isn’t getting any friendlier.  Everyone’s working longer and longer hours and putting it ahead of everything else in their lives.  It may seem like the right thing to do…  Or what you have to do…  But it’s important to look ahead to see where you may end up.  Part of life is getting ahead, but it’s also helpful to remember that you have something to come home to at the end of the day.

It’s helpful at these times to plan ahead!  You may not have a lot of time – so make the most of it!  Do something that you both may have wanted to do for a while – go to a new restaurant, see that movie you wanted to.  It may be easy to sit on the couch after a long day, but help keeping relationships going will have unforeseen benefits.

When the busy period does end, that other person will be grateful that you didn’t leave a void in their life as well.  Just remember – a relationship is a two way street! It may also help get you through some of those long days.  Think back on the good times that you had during downtime all at work.  We spend so much time by ourselves these days and time with those that engage us actually does have physical benefits!

Sep 02, 2019

Being Prone to Loneliness

Our society and our accepted behaviors are huge contributing factors to being lonely. Always being on your phone. The notion that it’s okay to be on your phone with your head down even when you're with people! Having as busy a schedule as many have. We’ve found things to do such that we can entertain ourselves and don’t need anyone! We get comfy in our own little world and it becomes viewed as a burden to break out of that world.
We’ve geared ourselves to always having something to do – not necessarily to do something with someone else. We’ve gotten so bad that we’ve backed ourselves into a corner and with the trends with mannerisms we’ve established, it’s a little scary! 

The problem is that it’s not recognized until there really is a problem and all of our accepted behaviors aren’t as accepted as they once were! You don't want the person across from you on their phone when you want to have a conversation! We’ve even created expressions to make it okay for these previously accepted behaviors… like… hater’s gone hate!

There’s a need to call out these problems and put ourselves first. Make new interaction okay. And when it comes time, this isn’t a small movement. Loneliness effects a considerable portion of today’s society and it carries health consequences. So identify what contributes to your situation and look for ways to make the situation better. And that making the situation better - makes everyone better! 

Aug 14, 2019

Friends Having Trouble

We always have some responsibility to our friends to provide guidance as best we can based off our experiences. That’s part of your friendship. Friends are the teammates of your life. They may be on your team for a little while or they may be on your team for a longtime, but while they’re there, you generally want the best for them as you should. You want your team to succeed. When your team isn’t succeeding, you try to make it better.
You offer advice and opinions in many areas of friends’ lives – whether it be love, sports, hobbies, work. There is an expectation or status quo – an energy level, a tension - that you have in your conversations and your relationship with that friend. When potential issues arise that show cause for concern, when that status quo deviates, it’s helpful to call it out, show your teammate you care but also bring the energy back to a place that your friend is familiar with. This goes a long way if you need to take it to a place where help is needed. It’s in an environment they can relate to in a way they are used to interacting.
It’s not your job to solve all their problems, but being a friend to an individual that potentially needs help comes with an extra responsibility – whether or not they choose to get help. You need to keep an eye on them occasionally. They can be like a puppy left alone – they can find their way into trouble when left unsupervised. It may not be your responsibility but it will benefit both of you in the long run.

Jul 23, 2019

Breaking the ice

One of the hardest parts of the meeting new people is breaking the ice. Hi! What’s up?  The initial pleasantries are easy but getting into that next place can be difficult.  At Sam’s Social, we give you the tools to meet new people.  We would be leaving ourselves short if we did an offer suggestions to help you meet people in real life as well as on Sam.

The first part of the equation is to keep things in a form that you are comfortable with.  You have to be you.  If you’re not having fun or are comfortable with the situation, you’re not going to look back on the meeting positively.  That doesn’t mean other people are going to do exactly what you want to do.  There will be some compromise as this is a new experience for the other person as well.

The second part of breaking the ice is to break the ice!  You will have to get out of that comfort zone and make the first move!  Sam’s social creates an environment for meeting new people so it may be a little easier here.  In the real world, it’s beneficial to meet in a repetitive environment.  Whether it be a classroom, gym, coffeehouse, a place where a repour and small conversations can be had is advantageous in many ways.  It doesn’t put all the pressure on you at once.  It allows you to gather information to determine if there is a match.  

At some point you have to go for it and ask the big question – to do something outside of the normal method of interacting with this person!  To maximize success, it may be best to do something common – “grab a beer” or “have coffee” – something in a public place that everyone is comfortable with. Be energetic and positive but don’t be overbearing.  You’ve done your best and that’s all you can do! There’s nothing wrong with the other person saying no or declining – you don’t know their life and everything they have going on.

Making friends at a bar can be a little more cavalier!  You go to bars and can have a great time – the one cavaet with the one time situation is that it may or may not be real. I say that because the other person may not always be like they are that night. They may have looked at you as a stranger and had fun with the one-time aspect – not realizing you may want to meet again.  Again – it’s part of breaking the ice – to try! The results may not always be what you expect but failure is part of the process.

Good luck and happy hunting!

Apr 20, 2019

Surviving Today’s Social Media

Today’s social media can be a very toxic place.  It’s even worse when you’re trying to actually accomplish something.  It’s hard because there’s an emotional investment towards certain subjects that lay a heavy line in the sand.  In some situations, it may be difficult to approach certain subjects that need to be approached.  But we’re also not going to sit idly by.  Here are a few tips to help put social media in perspective.

The first recommendation would be to isolate your environments if at all possible.  There are some places were certain conversations do not need to be had.  Your workplace might be one.  Anyplace where resentment can cause issues may be a place to avoid.  If you find yourself on social media websites being agitated by the content, that may be something to avoid in the long run as its effect on you is not positive.

Being part of social media is not a bad thing but don’t let it consume you.  There’s nothing wrong with posting in environments that are healthy to you.  The recommendation though is to minimize the number of environments and you post to.  You don’t need to let every article and feed out there know your opinion.  Leave some of that energy for discussion in the real world with some of your friends.  It will be a much more enlightening experience for you and your friends than getting likes on your post.

When it comes to meeting new people, it is important to know whether you’ll get along with the other person.  If their fundamental beliefs contradict those important to you, a resentment may persist that is difficult to avoid.  The goal is to get the information you need and move forward.  Don’t do well on whether something is good or bad relating to these emotional subjects – because it’s not the only thing that will determine success!  You may be in agreement on the subjects, but nothing else works.  Be diligent – and don’t dwell on failure! 

Mar 28, 2019

Turning Down Social Invites from Depressing Friends

There’s one thing that’s a given in life.  People change.  They move.  They get into relationships.  They get out of relationships.  They have kids.  Their views change.  They get depressed.  They’re not someone you can be around anymore.  Life changes and the result of which is you have less people in your life which affects you.  You don’t wanna be around people that make you unhappy but you also don’t wanna be alone.  There’s a moral conundrum here that seems simple but is more complex upon closer examination.

The biggest question is – do I have someone else to do things with?  If you do, great.  It’s an easy band aid to rip off and that’s what needs to be done.  Take a timeout and hang out with other friends.  Allow each of you to grow up a bit.  If you don’t have a lot of friends, things are tougher because while the other person may bring you down, they are filling a void and there are moments that you enjoy it with that other person.  It’s still not a good relationship but it’s better than nothing and it does fill that void.

But the problem isn’t solved.  You’re still around someone you don’t wanna be around.  So you need a replacement but finding a replacement isn’t an easy task.  A lot goes into friendships in the first place especially over time and making a friend is not like dating.  I can’t look at a picture and tell if I’m going to be friends with them.  Everyone on Facebook looks so happy and they’re all doing unique things so they really don’t look like they need new friends.  So what you do?

At Sam’s Social we deal with the change in life, identifying the problem, and providing a solution to fix it.  We want to give people back what they’ve lost: friends!  So they’re not in this position.  Our members state in their profiles if they wanna meet new people and what exactly they want to do!  Sam allows you to meet by relationship type (social, couple, crew, fam, dating) and gives you a complete picture (not the perfect one) to make it easy to make a new friend.

If it’s not meant to work, it’s not going to work.  Especially in this age where we move so fast.  Loneliness, though, is a real problem in today’s age.  You probably feel it and they may feel it as well.  In a May 2018 CIGNA study, 46% of people reported feeling alone some or all of the time.  It carries with it its own set of side effects and you need to be cognizant of this to not potentially hurt someone. 

If they’re a strong person and you both have a lot of friends, it makes things a lot easier.  If they send out too many invites, there shouldn’t be the expectation of continual acceptance.  If there’s not, things do get a little harder.  So let’s walk through the ways this can play out.

The optimal scenario is where both of you move on and grow.  One of the things that we do it Sam’s Social is there’s a crew profile which is designed to make friends with your friends.  You can help this person find new friends and you can find new friends yourself.  It may sound cheesy, but you can lead this person on a path towards other things and leave on good terms.  At one point, they were actually a friend and you can be the bigger person.

Another scenario is the gradual withdrawal from the friendship.  Be less interesting.  Not be available to them.  At some point, they will get the message and the relationship will move to where you want it to be.  They won’t wanna be around you because you’re not what you were. Again, you’re not helping the other individual, but you’re also doing what’s best for yourself and sometimes you need to do good things for yourself.  Put the back of bricks down and enjoy life.

The last scenario is to confront them and just end it or not say anything at all and not reply.  This obviously ends the relationship which ends some of your pain but also burns a bridge to the future.

The bottom line is – it’s OK to turn down something that makes you feel bad.  There is inherently something toxic.  Never feel bad about something that makes you better off.  Just have an eye to how are you want the scenario to play out in the future.  You can use each other to grow or you can leave pain and regret for both of you.

Jan 10, 2019

Video games and Having Friends!

I love video games.  There’s a game out there for everyone and everyone can spend a lot of time on them.  You have your own community.  You interact and make friends.  Or not.  But the reliance on the game(s) creates a dependency for the game.  And as lovable as they are, it’s not healthy.

People can suck sometimes and games are fun and you can do what you want to create a positive feeling, but life doesn’t move forward.  The biggest thing is recognizing this, using it, if an using what you’ve learned in your games.

Recognizing it is pretty simple.  you’re not going to interact with anyone in real life if you’re not around anyone.  You can’t do that while you’re on the game and life doesn’t change.  That can be depressing and cause other side effects that are not helpful.  

Recognizing the side effects is imperative because you shouldn’t be harming yourself and you need to know that.  Use Sam or your existing friends.  Have fun!  Get out and take care of yourself.  Stepping away from the game helps put a lot of things in perspective.

If you do have trouble meeting people, don’t let those gaming skills go to waste!  Whether or not you’ve realized it, playing video games teach you to be analytical, combative, appreciative, fun, and engaging!  Don’t be a geek about it, but realize the fact that if you worked socially adept before, you may be more so now.  You just have to realize it and apply it to the new situation!

Jan 10, 2019

How To Be More Social If You Are Introverted

Being social when you are introverted is a tough thing in today's age.  There's a lot of tools out there to help you but many of them only take you part of the way.  It leaves someone in this position short.  The solutions they find that don't necessarily get them to their end goal.

Interaction in real life today also doesn't help a person who may be introverted.  Our primary focus is with our device or the task at hand.  It has become more difficult to strike up a conversation when people are constantly engaged and don't open up a window for new interaction.

And this shows.  Loneliness studies have become more prevalent!  A May 2018 study conducted by CIGNA and UCLA found that 46% of those studied felt lonely some or all of the time.  So the first thing to do - is recognize that you're not alone!  This is a problem and it needs to be dealt with!

The next thing you need to do is break the mold!  This is a tough thing to do.  You have established a way of handling things that you are comfortable with and you like the result.  Take it the next up.  The optimal situation is to engage with someone you have some rapport with.  Break that mold by suggesting something fun that you two would both do any ways.  It's a good trick to doing new things that you will still be comfortable with.

Another thing you can do is to find an online environment that breeds new friendships in real life.  Find a place where this is the focus and the thought of interacting with someone new in real life is accepted.  Contacting someone that is not looking for this interaction may have a detrimental effect as your attempt can make you feel like you did something wrong.  You need to be setup for success!

I don't necessarily recommend onetime or infrequently occurring event functions based off an interest.  The focus tends to be on the interest and after the interest, there's no relatable factors between you and the people at the event.  Leagues, activities, classes, or groups that meet regularly give you a chance to develop that rapport over time to allow you to break that mold!

And the biggest key is knowing these three things and combining them.  There is a problem - I'm breaking the mold to do new things while still being comfortable - and I'm going to an environment where I can be setup to have success.  The last step is being diligent.  Failure is part of anything in life, but applying this cycle and putting in that little extra effort can change your life.  

This article is also published on Upjourney... see what other experts have to say on this important topic!

Jan 29, 2019